My Dad

First, I want to say THANK YOU! I can't believe the outpouring of support from everyone :D I'm feeling very loved and supported and have a great peace from your prayers :)

This is extremely long. When I first started writing it, I was just going to give a quick overview but as I began writing, I realized how much I miss writing and how therapeutic it feels so I just kept going. I don't expect you to read it all or judge my horrendous grammar (12 hours sleep since Sunday). Here is a quick overview and if you want more details, read on.

My Dad passed away on Tuesday May 27th, 2:15pm

Long (extremely long) version below. My sister and I joked that I set out to write a memorandum for us and ended up with a bookorandum. I would also like to make a few disclaimers: We are a sarcastic family. That is our humour. Deal with it. My Dad would not be insulted, in fact, we get it from him. God is mentioned and so is one swear word. You have been warned.

I would like to share the last few days that I've 'disappeared' and why I have been on survival mode for two reasons: 1) I feel better when I write things out ;) and 2) everyone has been so great that I want you to be apart of it :D

2Cr 12:9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

About two and a half months ago it was discovered my Dad had MDS (myelodysplastic syndrome-preluekemia). He may have had it for decades and not have known. So the last couple of months have been touch and go between him staying at the hospital and being okay to come home. Then about 3 weeks ago he became extremely ill. He wasn't able to keep anything down and he was about to die of dehydration. Now to give a little backdrop: His wife was taking care of him at home but my Dad is an extremely stubborn man. She can only do so much without his permission. She finally got fed up with him saying he didn't want to go to the hospital and called a nurse and my sis K. Sis K and her Hubby went there and read the Word and prayed with Dad. The nurse came and laid it out for Dad that she is a palliative nurse and only comes in the worse of cases. She said his family can override him but it would be much easier if he agreed to go to the hospital. He reluctantly agreed. In the hospital he made great progress and at one point, the doctors thought he would recover enough to go home and just go in for blood transfusions once in awhile.

Things didn't go as planned and he slowly declined. My Dad was ADHD and being stuck in a hospital bed and having your mind going but not being able to move your body was pure torture for him. He was the most active person I've ever known. He was tough too. He was the kind of guy that would break his leg and it would be 3 days before anyone knew it was broken. The doctors finally realized this and said he was sicker than he was letting on and than they could tell. He went through many tests, blood transfusions, and having good days and bad days.

I woke up on May 23rd at 4:00am praying. I was praying in my sleep and I could see Dad's hospital room and some blood. That afternoon sis K called and said that Dad had blood in his urine and he missed his little pee cup and they were giving him a catheter and wanted someone to spend the night so he wouldn't need to be strapped in because they wanted to see if it was the meds or his sickness that made him do it.

The last two weeks things began to disintegrate faster. My sisters, brother, and I took turns visiting so one of us was there at least once a day. His wife stopped working altogether (she had cut her hours back to just lunch hours when he was first put in-she is a school aid) and stayed with him during the days and us siblings stayed the evenings. He was still joking around and being a ham. My Dad was hilarious. He always had a sense a humour and a wonderful piratical joking way about him. Often drove us crazy. None of this sickness changed any of that. He made faces over the physiotherapists shoulders, he pretended to eat the jello, we stole pillows for him from other rooms, he argued just for the sake of argument-oh did he argue. He became really ornary out of frustration but if you joked, he joked right back.
Dad: This isn't comfortable, get a pillow. Push it down, DOWN. Move my leg up, put it over there. No that's not working. Stop now, tired. Oh I give up, I will never be comfortable.
Me: How about we put your head in the next bed. We could put one leg in the bathroom and the other out the window.
Dad: Sounds good, while you are in the hall with my leg, get me a Ginger Ale.
Dad's friend: If you get any more pillows, we won't need the bed anymore.
Dad: That's a good idea, patent that and make us rich.
Dad: You like that stuff? (Ensure)
Me: Yes Dad, but I'm not taking it home.
Dad: They keep giving it to me as if I'm going to drink it.
Me: Well you should drink it, its good for you.
Dad: It's disgusting. Sometimes I drink it to make them happy and make them feel as if they are accomplishing something. Sometimes I hide it for the same reason.

I'm pretty sure when they cleaned that room after he was moved upstairs, they found Ensure bottles stashed places.
He was still Dad.

On Saturday we were told he may be moved to a long care hospital. On Sunday he plummeted and he was moved to the palliative care room. The hospital called his wife to notify her (she had just gone home) and we all played phone tag until we had a system worked out. My sis A had just come home from a weekend retreat with her church. Even though she was exhausted, she spent Sunday night with him. It was my turn on Monday night, sis A again on Tuesday, bro R on Wednesday, sis K on Thursday. That was the way we worked out with everyone's schedules and Dad's wife would take the day shift.

Sunday afternoon Dad came out of his slumber and became wide awake. That is a sure sign that he was going to die that week. That afternoon gave me a memory of Dad that I will never forget and also personifies the type of man he was.
Backdrop: When we were kids and working with Dad, he would get annoyed and repeat words. For example: I'm going to the beach Dad. Dad, going to the beach. Dad, did you hear me? You want to know where we are, at the beach. Dad would get annoyed (although you are already because he isn't answering) and say something like Beach beach beach beach...and then we would know he heard us and wanted us to stop and we would go to the beach. He did this a lot because he hyperfocused on something and if you interrupted that, it was a bother and that is just how he handled it.
Also, Dad thought it was funny to cause a commotion. Once he was selling two four wheelers and he made a sign that read: 4 SAIL and people stopped because they thought they could take the guy who couldn't spell. We got a knock at the door and Dad put his pants on (he was always in shorts of some sort) and he put them on backwards. He goes out there and talks to them and ends up selling both for more money than he was planning because they thought they were taking this dumb guy that can't spell or dress and getting a deal. Dad thought it was hilarious.

Sunday afternoon: Dad is a little verbal but not much. He hadn't had any morphine and kept refusing it because he wanted to be alert. I'm there by myself and he's moaning about being uncomfortable. I'm propping his pillows and trying my darnest. I'm talking, "Does this help? I know I'm not much help. I didn't become a service worker like your other daughters and have no clue what I'm doing. This doesn't help. Someone else would be more help. I know Dad, I suck at this, I'm not much help."
He sits bolt upright in the bed and looks straight at me and says, "Help help help help." Scared the living crap out of me. I says, "You want help? You want me to get the nurses?" He nods yes and I go running (see? I keep forgetting about that stupid buzzer). Three nurses come back and ask Dad if he is in pain and if he wants any morphine or anything and Dad shakes his head no. They leave and he starts laughing. I realize he is laughing because he caused a commotion. It wasn't until later that evening that it dawned on me what he had done. I gave him heck, "You scared me half to death! I was running all over and panicking and here you are laughing at me! That was a mean trick and I was just trying to help!" He looks at me and smiles from ear to ear. I told it wasn't funny but he just kept on grinning. When his wife came in and I told her what happened and she told him he was being a pest and Dad gave her a thumbs up. He was a like a little kid that was having the time of his life.

Classic Dad. I know for those of you who don't know us, it sounds so awful but I'm telling you, I'm so happy it happened because it is just hilarious to my family and I.

Sunday morning an Anglican Pastor came for Dad (his request) and prayed over him and his wife said for the first time in months, he laid down and closed his eyes tight (he usually slept with his eyes a little open)and slept peacefully with no medication for two hours straight. That gave us all a great peace.

Sunday night I barely slept. I knew my sis A was there and she called a couple of times and said it wasn't the end but really close. So we were all on edge. On Monday I went at 2:00pm so I could sit with him while his wife went to get their grandson (they adopted him awhile back) from school and Dad wouldn't be alone. I had done that at a few 'scary' moments the week before too because I'm the closest person to the hospital and it was easy for me to run over. I work from home too so I have the flexibility and the boys are old enough to stay home alone. Monday evening I went to sit with Dad when his wife and grandson went home and Dad's friend came for awhile. When he came I ran home and got what I needed for the night. Hubby drove down after work and to spend the night with the boys (we don't want them home alone at night, neither would sleep!)and went back to work the next morning at 5:00am.

On Sunday as I drove to the hospital I asked the Lord, "Why me? Why will he die when its me?" I just knew it was going to me, the Lord was warning me. He told me because I'm the strongest. I sobbed the whole way there because I sure don't feel that way. 2Cr 12:9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

My night with Dad went something like this (some of its a blur in my mind):
Dad raises his arm-I go tell him I can't roll him over (he liked sleeping on his right)
He makes a face at me (he always had the most animated faces-he was non verbal at this point) and I make a face back
He doses off, I go lay down (they had a couch, chair, microwave, TV, etc in the room)
He moans and raises his arm- we repeat the last 3 steps

This continued until once, I didn't get up. I think he thought he was alone and went to sleep. Dad only had 2 ml of morphine 3 x's that day, told you, he's one tough cookie. He had no morphine ever until Friday the week before and he didn't like it so they lowered the doses and let him decide when he wanted it. Conversation on Friday:
Dad: I hate this morphine, the table is disproportionate.
Me: It dilates your pupils Dad.
Dad: Well I would rather have the pain.
Me: People pay good money for morphine Dad, if you don't want it, give it to me and I'll find a buyer.
Dad's friend comes in for a visit at that moment: Take the oxygen its free. The bed is free too. Give me the morphine and I'll find a buyer.
Dad laughs: I'll see what I can do.

I asked the nurses for morphine for him on Sunday around 11:00pm because he kept saying no but I wanted him to rest so they gave him no choice (His only doses that day were 6:45am and 4:00pm). He did. He slept solid until 4:00am that morning. I slept from 11:00-11:30, 12:00-1:30, 2:30-4:00 because I heard every time he stopped breathing, every time the nurse came in, every time there was a cricket fart, I slept light.

At that time he moaned and looked at me and called me by his wife's name and I told him she was coming soon but he was stuck with me. He gave me a dirty look. I looked at him back. He smiled. I laughed. Then I sat and held his hand and he squeezed mine off and on and slowly dosed off. By 4:30am his breathing had moved to his stomach (it looks like someone is breathing with their stomach when it becomes really laboured near the end of their life) and I got the nurse. They gave him steroid and oxygen and Dad gave me a look. He didn't like that. He tried to say his wife's name again, I told him again she was coming. He fell asleep. I called her at 6:30am (she wakes up at 6:00am every morning to get their boy on the bus on time) and told her she should come in earlier (she was planning for 8:30am) because he was really close.

She was there just before 8:00am (she lives half an hour away and had to get their boy on the bus first) and by this time, Dad had slipped into a nonresponsive state. He woke up, looked at her, smiled, and dosed off again. She cried, I cried, a nurse came in to check and held us and got teary eyed. We all knew. I went home and slept tried to sleep. I got 20 minutes in between phone calls. I called my Mom, she was great!

That afternoon I went back for her to drive to the school. She had the TV cranked up really loud because that's how Dad liked to watch it. I held his hand and sat in the chair next to bed. I read the paper to him which had nothing exciting in it and then the nurses came in. They said they were checking on him, rolling him, and told me I could take a break. I asked if they could stay with him while I was gone and not leave the room until I got back and they said that was no problem. I ran down and got a tea and called someone, I can't remember who, I think it was Hubby. Then ran back up. He was laying on his right again and I could tell he was more comfortable because he favours that side. The nurse said he had a fever of 39.7 C (about 104F) and gave him some Tylenol and morphine for the pain.

I sat and held his hand and complained about what was on TV. There was a show about home renovations and this lady was making a chocolate brown room. I said, "Look Dad, that woman is spending $10,000 to make a shitroom." I honestly think that was the last thing he heard before he died. It started to rain and I stood up to look at him and as I was standing I said, "It's starting to rain Dad, the room should cool off a bit for you." I looked at him and he was quiet. For the first time in months there was no noise. I wasn't sure what to do. I went around to the other side of the bed and picked up his good hand (my Dad's right arm is crippled, hence the favourite side to sleep on) and checked his pulse but couldn't find it. I wondered if I was doing it wrong so checked by his ear, nothing. I said, "Dad...Dad...DAD..." Then I said his name a few times because near the end he only answered to his name and nothing else. His eyes were still open so I was sort of freaked out. I went up the hall to find a nurse (don't ask me why I just didn't buzz, I don't know why) and found someone and told them I can't find my Dad's pulse and I'm unsure if he has passed and she said, "I'm sorry Honey but I'm the cleaning lady, check the nurses station." Can you imagine? It's truly comical.

So I did and we checked on Dad. She shut off all the noise in the room and listened with the stethoscope. She nodded the solemn no and quietly told me he passed. I cried for a second and put my hand over my mouth. I knew it but hearing it was different. She said, "I'm sorry Honey, I know its hard even though we know its coming,"and I nodded and recomposed a bit and then started again and she said, "Maybe you should sit down and give yourself a minute." I said, "I'm not crying so much because he died. I knew it was coming and it is what we all wanted. No more suffering. I'm crying because it was with me and now I have the responsibility of making the phone calls." I didn't want to tell the bad news. She brought me to the quiet room and said I could take as long as I needed. I left the quiet room and asked the nurses station to look for Dad's wife when she came off the elevator. They weren't listening so I stood in the hall, raised my arms up high and announced, "EXCUSE ME, IF A LADY WITH RED HAIR IN A PONY TAIL AND A BOY ABOUT YAY HIGH WITH A BLUE BASEBALL CAP COMES OFF THE ELEVATOR, PLEASE SEND TO THE QUIET ROOM SO I CAN TELL HER THAT HER HUSBAND JUST DIED." You are not surprised when I write that they didn't and she walked in the room to him dead and me not there with that sweet special needs 15 year old boy. That was one thing about the whole situation that really upset me. I was so mad.

Anyway, while that was happening, I was making phone calls. I called bro-in-law and told him with tears and he apparently understands cryingnese and told me he would tell sis K. Then I called sis A and sis K called sis in law K and she called bro R (see? told you we had a system) and we all met at the hospital throughout the next few hours. The Grandson came into the quiet room and sat with me and we talked for a bit. We hugged and I cried for a bit, he let me. Then he stayed there while I ran up the hall to see who had shown up so far. Dad's wife was trying to find a phone number in a sea of papers (her purse is like a file box, I never seen so many papers)so I went back to see if I could find a phone book. The grandson got the idea of asking the nurses station for one and that gave him a purpose and he felt really important for thinking of that. He brought it back to the room and beamed about getting the phone book for the rest of the time we were there. That was really good for him.

I felt extremely ill at this point and very dizzy. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day and my hypoglycemia must have been wreaking havoc by now. I did have a few pieces of cheese I had put in a ziplock bag at some point and some juice but that was it. Grandson and I went downstairs and I bought him and I BLTs, donuts and tea. We sat and ate and my sis in law K came in and sat with us a bit.

Now my sis in law K and I are just not normal. My nephew and niece call me Goofy Goofy Auntie Jen and she goes right along and encourages it. We tease each other constantly. As we talked about everything the conversation came around to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and was very dizzy. I told the boy that if I pass out don't get a doctor because I don't want to get testing done. She said that she would and tell them that I need my appendix out. I said its already out and she replied they should check again and get my tonsils out too. I turned to the cop that was grabbing a coffee behind us and told him that she was speeding to get there and should get a ticket. She joked that he didn't hear that and he laughed. We went on like this for a few minutes. Up in the room with Dad and family we kept going. I'm sure that Dad's wife's side of the family thought we were nuts. Especially considering the day before sis A and I were doing the same thing. It's a good stress reliever.

Anyway, that's the story. The funeral is on Monday. The boys have been FANTASTIC through everything and J has really shown his maturity and responsibility as he kept up with his school work and babysat his little brother and picked up the house while I spent most of my time at the hospital. T is way off routine but good considering. T has had questions about death but no meltdowns! Hubby has done everything a man could do to make sure we are all ok.

If you actually read this far, I'm impressed!
Thank you again for all your prayers and sympathies and support. I didn't know there were such wonderful people in the world until I met you! :D
2Cr 12:9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I Give Up

I give up. I keep trying to get over here but lately, I just haven't been allowed! Life won't let me. So for the time being, I will be taking a leave of absence.
Here's why:

• work
• homeschooling
• my house is infested with pepe la pews and we're presently doing our darnest to ditch them (literally, I'll post story below)
• hubby lives in a different city and only comes home on the weekends and that was my blogging time, now its family time
• we're putting the house up for sale which means less time for here-time will be used for keeping the house clean and showings and dealing with all that real estate crap and packing
• moving AGAIN
• trying to sleep and eat at some point

Needless to say, my time won't spent here! So I will leave you until we meet again, with this anecdote of what is happening now:
Wild Life comes and they told me on the phone yesterday that it was $320; $198 for wildlife problem (i'll get to that stupidity in a minute) $59.50 to deodorize the area (which is good considering that would be my entire HOUSE) and $67.50 to screen the entry...sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Now here's the catch: $15 per foot of steal grate fencing to trench and put around any area the skunk can get back under.

So the guy comes out today. I walk outside to see what he is doing and he measuring the perimeter of my entire house! I'm like, he isn't getting in where the driveway is, its cement 2 feet down and the driveway is paved! So he measures all three sides, I says, its not getting where the back porch and front porch and that 5 ft by the front porch because again..all cement. (aren't these people suppose to be professionals and know this?) I ask, "If you're taking the skunk, why do you need to put this steal grate in?" Well, the conversation actually went something like this:

Him: We need to gate off 63ft.

Me: how much?

Him: he can get in.

Me: how much?

Him: $320, you talked about this on the phone with the lady there.

Me: How much?

Him: sigh, just a minute: approximately $2800

Me: Approximately? LOL

Him: It will get back under.

Me: If it gets back under?!? Then what is the $320 for?

Him: We don't remove the skunk (this is where the stupidity comes into play)

Me: Out of that $320, $198 is to solve a problem that you don't solve? (I thought I should make it simple for him)

Him: We put in a door that allows the skunk to leave and not get back under.

Me: So leave the door there, I am going to pay $198 for that door!

Him: We can't, it is just a preventative that lasts long enough for us to gate the perimeter of the house. That will keep the skunk out.

Me: Again, what do you mean comes back? You trap it, take it away. I'm paying another 1700 dollars to stop future skunks?

Him: We don't take it away. It is still here, just can't back under your house.

Me: Oh the neighbours will just love me! It will just move in next door. I'm not paying for you to dig down 4 ft all the way around my house to put in a steal grated gate that will probably completely peeve off the new owners-we're selling-because they have to dig it all up again if they decide to put in a basement and to have it just move in next door!

Him: Traps are useless because once it is trapped, you are only allowed to drive 1km away to set it free, then it finds its way back.

Me: Prove I drove past that 1km point.

Him: I'll give you 5 minutes.

Me: I'm not changing my mind.

He comes back a few minutes later with two prices: the $2800 one that does all of it and one that covers 28ft across the front and part of the corner. My house isn't even 28ft across so he definitely measured wrong. The second price was close to $1700.

Him: There is $1000 fine for killing, harming, or letting the skunk go past that 1km radius.

Me: Well that's a hell of a lot cheaper than what you're charging me for!

Him: Let me know (persistent bugger)

Me: I'll talk to my husband and get back to you.

Sooooo....here we are.

Yes, we've done the moth balls, don't even bother mentioning it. We've done:

• moth balls
• rat poison
• traps
• bleach
• pneumonia
• hot pepper

Presently we are working on:

• trap door that allows them out and not back in (problem is, they aren't going out!)
• chicken wire once they are gone to stop re-entry
• and a bunch of other crap

Haven't slept because they keep spraying and spraying...nobody wants to buy a house with these unwanted stinky house guests. So we'll keep trying until they are gone.

That's the stinky truth! I'll be back when and as soon as I can! In the meantime, stay healthy, happy, and creative! See you all soon!

Happy Valentine's Day

Sending Blogger Love to my blogger buddies....

Beautiful Award

Dianne over at Forgetfulone gave me this award ! I haven't been here in so long that unfortunately, I'm just getting to my award now :)

So here's the rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog

2. Add a link to the person who awarded you

3. Nominate 10 other blogs for this award

4. Add links to those blogs

5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs

6. Give a reason why you consider their blogs cool.

I honestly don't think I have ten blogger buddies in my blog list...lol
The ones I do have listed are my favourites because they are 'the coolest blogs I know'!
Each of you are original and loyal! You visit me even though I haven't had time to visit you as often I'd like! I don't have to go 'drum up blogger hits' because that's not what friends do. Friends are there for each other :) You are there for me! I hope everyone has a good week and does have a chance to visit me and pick up their reward! You deserve it!! Pass it on!!
Thanks Dianne!!

Slice of Life Sunday

We're suppose to pick one out of three memes to write about on the Slice of Life blog. Please stop by Slice of Life and find out her plans of publishing some of the memes in a book. If you would like to join in, then please do!

Slice of Life choices for the week of January 11 are:

1. The Light of Reason

2. Storm of Controversy

3. Writer’s Choice - I am now seeking stories for our Thirtysomething era. What memories do you have of “being a real adult” in the adult world of marriage, homemaking, raising children, expanding your career, or just surviving.

I haven't participated in a long time, sorry about that! The one and only thing I dislike about my job is I write all the time, writing for fun is a rare treat!

2. Storm of Controversy (with a twist)

I know this is suppose to be serious but let's face it, I'm not a serious person.

Controversy: a contentious speech act; a dispute where there is strong disagreement; "they were involved in a violent argument"

Well that pretty much sums up being a parent! My children are lawyers, I get the privilege of their free consultations everyday!

Me: Why is there always a ring of milk left on the table from your cereal every single solitary day? (can you feel my pain?)

Son: Because the Milky Way wanted to get married so I gave her a ring.

Me: I feel sick today, can you boys help me out a little?

Sons: Sure. What do you want us to do?

Me: Just get along-long enough for me to have a nap.

10 minutes later:

Son # 1: Quiet, she'll hear us

Son # 2: Well the only thing she wanted us to do was to get along, we're doing that.

(Can you feel my fear? What are they getting into?)

Me: I asked you to fill the dishwasher.

Son: I have acquired that life skill already.

Me: Fine, you are about to learn a new life skill, what to do when your boss is very angry.

Sometimes, they are too smart for their own good. Well for my good anyway. Who said being around children keeps you young? I feel a 100 yrs old and not a day younger!

You know what really gets my goat? When they throw my words back at me. What child of learning class did they get that skill from? It's always happens with these three things: perfectly timed, word for word, in front of other people. Why is it they can remember word for word what you said when they do this but can't remember to wipe that ring of milk off the table? It's amazing!

I have to give them credit, they certainly are funny. Nothing is more entertaining than being a parent! I get all the free shows and front row tickets to: groundings, worms in pockets (I never quite did get over that), temper tantrums in crowded places, telling grandparents the most embarrassing things, laughing when they get Dad instead of me, and best of all, every single solitary hug is free!

I hope to get back here more often...you know time is just a figment of the imagination, that's why we can never find it!